BIG, JUICY QUESTIONS

the day of the week is just another rabbit in a hat

On Monday I made homemade naan because I’d never made it before and it definitely did not taste as good as in a restaurant, but damnit - I did it.

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I am thinking a lot about the days of the week. You know the meme that says something like, “Thursday, October, and 8pm all have the same energy" ? I’ve never related harder to anything in my life. It makes complete sense to me. So, I’ve been spending each day thinking about the energy of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on. More importantly, I’m trying to separate how the world tells me to feel about each day from how I feel about each day. When it comes down to it, I think labeling the days of the week is silly as shit. The fact that we measure time at all is pretty outrageous to me, because time is so fluid and mystical. It should be of zero surprise to everyone that I believe time is a construct. I rarely believe in anything else so fully, except the existence and all-encompassing power of love. But that’s for another newsletter.

Now that I’ve started a new job and am back in the 9-5 container, I am being very careful with my impressions of the days and how those impressions can help me to sink or swim. My reality has swung like a heavy pendulum as of late, going from having too much free time the last few years to suddenly only having a small set amount every day. Whenever I experience a drastic routine change I check in with all of my inner personalities to see who is pleased with the switch and who is needy and having a tantrum about it. The ability to do that has come after many years of getting to know my many selves, connecting to my center of consciousness at the heart of it all, and incorporating a deep and endless well of patience and forgiveness as I navigate building communication among everything. I’ll swing back to this communication process in a bit because I think it’s important to give a strong example, and it’s a thing that really can help us move away from being stuck in crushing work narratives and into having much more pleasure in our day-to-day doings.

As far as work goes, at least in this moment in time, I am much more interested in holding work as work, as a responsibility that I have that I get to separate from the rest of my life, if I want/need to. It’s not my everything at the moment. I have no legitimate five year plan unless you count the many unrelated things I plan to do during that time (move again, write a book, get a teaching certificate, learn French, hug a cow, etc). Work is an open narrative right now. I get to roll it around and shape it like play-doh, and I don’t have to let it be something that colors and drives the entirety of my day. As much of a sometimes very arduous effort it can be in a system that has forever been against me as a woman, a queer/fluid person, and a financially lower middle class person in general, I am extremely devoted to not allowing capitalism to take away my joy even though I am functioning within that harmful capitalistic framework. I am also holding awareness that my overall ability to focus on and prioritize my joy is definitely coming to me through many privileged channels.

I am white, first and foremost, and I have a family that I can easily turn to for emotional and financial support. Those are huge factors. So when I speak of joy, I may not be speaking to you, dear reader, whoever you are. But I hope you know that my intention surrounding my definition and pursuit of joy is to create a spaciousness that extends to whoever needs it. I am learning a lot right now (later in life than I care to admit, but I must) about the infinite layers of privilege that I hold and how the way that I teach and present affects people outside of my narrow lens. I am hoping to always be available for constructive feedback and gentle (or sometimes not so gentle but necessary) reminding of how I can make healthy adjustments.

That being said, with where I’m at and what I’m learning, I am devoted to restructuring my life around how I feel on a day to day basis as the foundation of how I carry myself and hold my perspectives. I don’t want the collective view of a day’s energy to be where my mind and energy go. So, sure, Monday might have a huge workload and I am always instantly reminded of a million people + Garfield moaning, “Man, I’ve got a bad case of the Mondays,” but am I happy? Am I actively engaging with what’s available to me to co-create a life I am excited to live? Even when it’s not all that exciting? Even when the odds are stacked against me? Am I placing my care and love of self before my attachment to damning cultural narratives? BIG, JUICY QUESTIONS WE MUST COMMIT TO ASKING OURSELVES.

Other things I love to ask myself after I pry my big, brown eyes open each morning:

What will bring me joy today? - or - What would I like to experience today?
Do I feel strong in my body? Will I have time to move it today, even just for five minutes?
Do I feel connected to others or do I maybe need to reach out to a loved one and engage with them? Would it feel good to tell someone that I love and appreciate them?
Do I feel abundant and willing to share that abundance, whatever it may be? How might I be able to do that? Do I have the capacity and resources today to show support to a community in need?
Am I interested in having fun today and how can I access or create play?
What is the weather or my environment like today and how can I be in relationship with it in a way that creates magic and curiosity, the way I was naturally postured as a child?

When I was actively teaching Human Design, another great and wildly complex personality and energy mapping system, I really enjoyed telling people to focus on their joy more as a portal for decreasing anxiety and increasing that very sweet feeling of having some semblance of control over their lives again. I’d tell them to set everything down, stop trying to force themselves to make choices that they think will set them free, and just redirect toward what they already know gives them big joy. Which needs are already met? Where does freedom already exist for you? And that’s it. Go play. Go be with your happiness until the information you need effortlessly arrives, which it inevitably will because you’ve stopped holding tension and created space. And if you feel guilty for prioritizing that joy, then there’s your first helpful piece of information! Somewhere to start, at least.

And now feels like a good time to return to my personality/pattern navigation example, because it’s possible you have found yourself in the “I feel guilty for having joy” club. We can definitely pinpoint where that guilt lives. This is how I settle myself down and, perhaps more importantly, make new choices from within patterns that usually push me to move toward choices that make me feel worse/keep me entangled in patterns that distance me from myself and my true desires.

This is my process, in full, through my experience with body dysmorphia:

1. I am experiencing tension and anxiety because I am feeling very bad about my physical body today. I feel like it is impossible to get away from feeling bad, and that those feelings are controlling me. (name the feelings)

2. Normally I would either eat food for comfort or restrict food to feel better about myself and feel more in control. (name the usual actions you are trying to steer away from)

3. The self (or selves) in me that feels negatively about my body and wants to control this feeling through food is my 10 year old self, my 15 year old self, and my 21 year old self. (name the approx. selves/ages within that have the most to feel and say about this state of being and these habits)

4. All of these selves need to reconnect with their body and emotions through various forms of movement. My 10 year old self wants to dance/stretch/roll around, my 15 year old self might need to cry/write about their feelings/ask for help from a trusted loved one, and my 21 year old self needs a long walk and deep breathing. (name the needs of each of these parts of yourself)

5. What I know is actually true is that my body is strong, beautiful, and healthy. What I know is actually true is that these negative thoughts are based on narratives pushed on me by the culture I was a raised in, some of my caretakers, and inconsiderate partners over a long period of time. My brain believes the negativity to be true, but in my heart I know that I am well and good and there is nothing to fear. I love myself enough to break my patterns through self love, self forgiveness, and new choices. (name what you know to be true from your heart’s POV)

6. I have the strength/energy to do the things my younger selves need me to do and I will do them now/today. (acknowledge your very strong and helpful will/choice-making mechanism that is separate from your patterns and feelings)

Now, this process can apply to ANYTHING. It can apply to any issue or moment of anxiety or emotional escalation. Our body and our selves are always speaking to us. We have a lot of needs! And who better to tend to those needs than the one who houses them all? Some days it’s easy. I used this body example because it’s my biggest core wound and I have been working intimately with it for years. I know what I need, and the act of listening to myself and choosing new pathways has become easier and easier. Do I always do the healthy thing? No. Am I loving and forgiving when I fall into old patterns? Absolutely. I deserve it. I’m not perfect.

I invite you to sit across from one of your internal gargoyles and find out what it has to say. Definitely ask its opinion of the days of the week and find out where you can let joy have a seat at the table.

I want your Mondays to be ecstatic.
I want your Tuesdays to surprise you.
I want you to make yourself proud on Wednesdays.
I want you to laugh at everything on Thursdays.
I want Friday to be just as good as any other day not because you get Saturday and Sunday off, but because of a million other enlivening reasons. Mostly because you listened well and you chose to make it into something new. Something all yours.

I love you. Thanks.